The decision to return to work after welcoming a new baby is a significant one, filled with a complex mix of emotions. There can be excitement about re-engaging with your career, but this is often accompanied by a powerful emotional tug-of-war – the desire to be with your little one versus the demands of your professional life. This juggle is one of the most challenging transitions new parents face.
My name is Dr. Vrushali Pillai, and as a Senior Consultant in Obstetrics & Gynaecology at Borneo Hospital, Thane – part of the Borneo Hospitals group with branches in Nashik, Chhatrapati Sambhaji Nagar, and Raipur City – I support women through all of life’s incredible stages. The postpartum period, especially when it intersects with a return to work, is a time that requires immense support, understanding, and practical strategies.
This article aims to be a supportive guide for new parents in India navigating this demanding phase. Our goal isn’t to chase a mythical ‘perfect balance’, but to explore practical ways to achieve a sustainable and fulfilling ‘integration’ of your professional ambitions and your new family life. Please know that feeling overwhelmed is completely normal, and finding a new rhythm takes time and patience. This advice is to help you with Balancing Work and Family Life.
Acknowledging the New Reality: Why It’s So Challenging
Before we dive into solutions, it’s vital to validate the experience. If you’re finding this phase incredibly difficult, you are not alone. The challenges are real and multifaceted:
1. Physical Exhaustion:
For mothers, you are often returning to work while still physically recovering from childbirth. For both parents, the profound Sleep Deprivation that comes with caring for an infant is a major hurdle, affecting everything from concentration to patience.
2. The Emotional Load:
Hormonal fluctuations continue for mothers postpartum. There is also the heightened anxiety about your baby’s well-being and the emotional adjustment to being separated from them for periods of the day.
3. Parental Guilt:
An intense feeling of guilt – ‘mum guilt’ or ‘dad guilt’ – is extremely common. You might feel guilty at work for not being with your baby, and then feel guilty at home for thinking about work. It can feel like you’re not giving 100% to either role.
4. Logistical Chaos:
The new, complex schedule of morning routines, feeding, childcare drop-offs and pick-ups, work commutes, and then the ‘second shift’ of evening baby care and household chores can feel relentless.
5. Career Pressures:
There’s often pressure to re-engage fully and prove your commitment at work, all while managing these huge new responsibilities at home.
6. Societal & Family Expectations:
In the Indian context, parents often navigate expectations from extended family regarding parenting choices and career roles, which can add another layer of complexity.
Strategies for the Workplace: Managing Your Professional Life
Successfully re-integrating into your professional life requires planning and boundary-setting.
1. Plan Your Return Strategically:
Before your maternity or paternity leave ends, try to connect with your manager or HR department. Discuss your return, clarify expectations for your role, and inquire about any policies regarding flexible working hours or remote work options, even if temporary, to ease the transition. A gradual return, perhaps starting with a shorter week, can be helpful if possible.
2. Set Clear Boundaries:
This is crucial for long-term sustainability. Define your working hours and do your best to stick to them. It’s okay to politely decline non-essential tasks or after-hours commitments that can wait. Learn to communicate your availability clearly to your colleagues. Protecting your family time is not a weakness; it’s a necessity.
3. Communicate Effectively:
You don’t need to overshare, but keeping your manager informed about your general availability is helpful. For instance, “I need to leave promptly at 5:30 PM for childcare pick-up, so I will ensure my key tasks are completed by then.” Focus on being highly efficient and productive during your defined work hours to demonstrate your commitment.
4. For Breastfeeding Mothers:
If you plan to continue breastfeeding after returning to work, understand your workplace rights and policies regarding lactation breaks. Proactively identify a clean, private, and comfortable space where you can pump. Plan the logistics of your pumping schedule, milk storage, and transport. This preparation can reduce stress significantly.
5. Leverage Workplace Support:
Connect with other working parents at your office. They are often a fantastic source of practical tips, empathy, understanding, and solidarity.
Strategies for Home & Family: Working as a Team
A successful balance is almost impossible to achieve alone. It requires a true partnership.
1. Partnership is Non-Negotiable:
Balancing Work and Family Life is a shared challenge that requires both parents to actively participate, often moving beyond traditional gender roles. It is a team sport!
2. Divide and Conquer Responsibilities:
Sit down together and have an open, honest conversation about how you will divide household and childcare responsibilities. This should cover everything – nappy changes, bath time, night wake-ups, getting baby ready in the morning, laundry, cooking, and groceries. A clear plan reduces daily friction.
3. Share the “Mental Load”:
Remember that the ‘invisible work’ of parenting – managing schedules (doctor’s appointments, vaccinations), planning meals, keeping track of supplies (nappies, wipes, formula), researching childcare – is also a significant job. Use shared digital calendars, to-do lists, or simple notebooks to manage and divide this mental load so it doesn’t fall on one person’s shoulders.
4. Reliable Childcare is Your Lifeline:
Your peace of mind at work depends heavily on having childcare that you trust implicitly. Whether it’s a reliable daycare centre, a full-time nanny or ‘ayah’, or supportive family members like grandparents, ensure you are comfortable with the arrangement. Maintain clear and open communication with your chosen caregivers.
5. Leveraging the Joint Family System:
For those in a joint family setup in India, the support of grandparents and other family members can be an immense blessing. It’s important to have respectful conversations about your parenting choices and routines to ensure everyone is on the same page and working together to support you and your child.
Strategies for Your Mind: Managing Guilt and Prioritising Self-Care
This is often the hardest part, but it’s essential for avoiding burnout.
6. Tackling Parental Guilt:
Reframe Your Thinking: Acknowledge that the guilt you feel stems from deep love for your child. It’s a sign that you care. However, try not to let it overwhelm you. Remind yourself that you are working to provide a secure future for your family and that you are setting a powerful example of a hardworking, capable parent for your child.
Focus on Quality over Quantity: When you are home, be truly present with your child. Put your phone away for a designated period. Engage in focused, connected activities like reading a book, playing on the floor, or simply cuddling. This high-quality, attentive time is often more valuable than hours of distracted presence.
7. Self-Care is Not a Luxury; It’s Your Fuel:
You cannot pour from an Empty Cup: This cliché is repeated because it’s true. Ignoring your own basic needs leads to exhaustion and burnout, which impacts your ability to be the parent and professional you want to be. The needs of a working parent is often overlooked.
Schedule Tiny Pockets of ‘Me-Time’: Self-care doesn’t have to mean a trip to the spa. It’s about finding small, non-negotiable moments for yourself. This could be 15 minutes to drink your morning tea in peace before the house wakes up, listening to your favourite music on your commute, taking a short walk alone after work, or having an uninterrupted phone call with a friend. Put these small breaks in your schedule.
Prioritise Sleep: This is the most critical form of self-care. It might seem impossible, but work with your partner to find ways for each of you to get at least one block of several hours of uninterrupted sleep.
Connecting with Your Partner: Make time to connect as a couple, not just as co-managers of ‘Project Baby’. Even a short, focused conversation after the baby is asleep can help you stay connected.
Seeking Support: You Don’t Have to Do It Alone
- Talk to Other Working Parents: Find your tribe! Sharing tips, frustrations, and successes with colleagues or friends who are in the same phase of life is incredibly validating.
- Accept Genuine Offers of Help: When supportive friends or family offer to cook a meal, watch the baby for an hour so you can rest, or run an errand – say “Yes, thank you!”
- Consider Professional Help: If the stress, anxiety, or guilt of Balancing Work and Family Life feels overwhelming and is significantly affecting your mood or relationships, seeking help from a counsellor or therapist is a sign of strength. It can provide you with effective coping strategies and a safe space to talk. Borneo Hospital can assist with appropriate referrals.
Borneo Hospital’s Support for New Parents
Your well-being continues to be our concern even after you’ve left the delivery room. Your 6-week postnatal check-up with me, Dr. Pillai, or my obstetric colleagues is a key opportunity to discuss your physical recovery, your emotional well-being, and any concerns you have about returning to work. Similarly, paediatric visits with Dr. Santosh Madrewar and our team provide a space to discuss parenting challenges. We are here to support your entire family’s health journey.
Balancing Work and Family Life as a new parent is a marathon, not a sprint. It’s a continuous journey of adjustment, communication, and finding a new rhythm that works for your unique family. There will be challenging days, but there will also be moments of incredible joy and fulfilment in both your roles.
The key strategies are to work as a true team with your partner, set realistic boundaries at work and at home, actively manage parental guilt by focusing on quality time, prioritise essential self-care, and build a strong support system. Be kind to yourself, aim for a sustainable ‘integration’ rather than a ‘perfect balance’, and celebrate the small successes along the way. You are doing an amazing job.
